A Game i Played With MySelf

        Actually i suppose there were two games__the one i will relate to you with a recital reeking of ego, given that i think i remember so much of my monologue to a table of maybe 10 or 12 members of the men's group which has played a rather prominent role in el website as of late.

        The reason i remember it so well is perhaps mostly due to the close attention that was being paid to me by the other members of this particular small group.  Seems i had said something the week before about how i had "stood trembling outside the veil and heard the eternal word of God."  Yeah. 

        So nothing was said about anything but group was over and i read everybody's mind and it went something like this:

        This is all so crazy i can hardly believe it myself. 

         When i was 20 years old i went over to a friend's house and smoked some good hash and somebody put on the Moody Blue's "In Search of the Lost Chord" . . . their music is kind of . . . and i decided to love everybody in the world.  I started with people i know. 

         After about 20 minutes the music started changing and i got up and went to the bathroom.  i was trembling uncontrollably . . . and the world was the veil.  i thought about somebody coming in the bathroom . . . that was my first thought.  And this voice [i didn't notice the transition from SOUND to Voice, which] said "You can say you saw a ghost."  And all my fears were relieved. 

        i've said before that trying to describe the voice might be sacriledge.  "Pure" is what i came up with.  i've smoked good hash since then, but i never tried it again.  Didn't feel worthy maybe. 

    Oh yeah, for days afterward i couldn't feel anything.  i'd put my hand in my pocket for my keys and couldn't feel them, just took it on faith that i was closing my hand around them.  It was crazy

      And everybody, including me, got up and left.  The second game i was talking about earlier was me being afraid of death, i was so close to heaven i could hear it and i didn't have the sense to walk through the door so to speak.

     (this page was posted fall 2020; the men's group session was prob'ly over a year ago) 

_to Change It All's very lame home page