A Journal: Chapter 10

January 22, 1999 *****************************************************

. . . . . I recently read a book (not recommended) called The God Project which was written several years ago and interestingly had a featured character who had ideas strikingly similar to yours truly about money and God. (A digression: One of the scariest scriptures [no, make that 'most perplexing'] to me has been the simple "You cannot serve God and money."(ESV) of Matthew 6 and Luke 16; our world simply requires that most people serve money. (Perhaps see my essay On the Holy War.) Period. We need money to survive. Most people have to do something, i.e., serve in order to obtain money.) This guy, like me I guess, pointed out our blatant hypocrisy (perhaps you'd prefer I said the deceitfulness of our unknowable hearts[ Jeremiah 17:9]) in thinking we can serve God and money. Most people, I imagine, are more comfortable by far with the doctrine admittedly derived by men which holds that the instructions Jesus gave us in the Sermon on the Mount are not applicable at this particular point in time( see "A Brief Bible Study" here.

. . . . . As a matter of possible interest let me mention that I was perusing the Bible recently and noticed that in the first three gospels, the disciples were "exceedingly amazed" and "astonished out of measure", with all three writers identically wondering "Who then can be saved?" after Jesus said how difficult it is for someone who "has money"( in the Greek) to be reconciled with God. (Matthew 19:25, Mark 10:26 and Luke 18:26 for anyone interested.)

. . . . . It all makes me wonder if Paul's admonishing of the Athenians in Acts 17, which included "And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: Because he hath appointed a day, in the which he will judge the world in righteousness by that man whom he hath ordained", is another example of a current situation and a prophecy. Billy Graham says Revelation is laden with this dichotomy, scriptures written to people living in John's time and ours. Linked with my actual vision of mankind as a tree, which we must remember might have a longer life-span than humans but definitely has a measured life-span, it could mean that mankind is (again?) at a crossroads. Actually I guess we've always been at a crossroad and continue to choose between extraordinary reconciliation with God ("The kingdom of heaven is at hand") or more of the status quo. At least until the tree dies.

. . . . . In The Fourth Angel, another book I'm not gonna recommend, there is a phrase which appears repeatedly in the book: "damn all", apparently an English expression which means "nothing". Maybe this bit of nonsense is also prophetical, of that day of vengeance, that day of the wrath of the lamb, which I seem to insist can be avoided if we can just agree to love others as we love our selves. Again, Billy Graham in his '82 book on the Apocalypse says maybe we're not getting the big picture. However . . . also in that book by Robin Hunter was this bit of dialogue: "Very early on in this business I realized that people can only see a problem from their own point of view. That's the way it is with people. Self-interest is universal. . . Don't you ever think well of anyone?. . . Well, perhaps; sometimes. But no one ever went far wrong overestimating the self-interest of the human race."

. . . . . It has been this matter of self-interest that has occupied what little concentration I've been able to muster the last week or so. Much of my attention has focused on remembrances of things past; specifically my own past and, no analogy intended, Jesus'. Allow me another digression: I know of people who have thought me responsible for things they were responsible for, like the guy who turned me on to some marijuana maybe fifteen years ago, then turned on the local news, and his (ordinary) mind was like a newspaper headline: he put all his attention into expecting bad news because I had smoked a little pot with him (now ain't that a hypocrite for you) [2021 note: actually it was my (excessive) consumption of alcohol]. So I tried to overcome his ordinary mind and the result <smile> was a prisoner in a local jail got a gun and shot a jailer in the head, but the good news was the first round jammed in the barrel and the second round just pushed both bullets enough to inflict a minor wound. (And yes, I can sit here and think that that guy's ordinary mind almost got somebody killed thinking bad stuff about me; I'm also thinking about re-naming this journal chapter Looney Toons: Take Ten. And please don't talk to the other guy; he thinks ill of me you know. [Had a guy talk to me recently about the little girl I saw healed in 1986, actually he mentioned her mom; I'm not now and plan on never looking for witnesses, 'cause I like know what's in man, huh?( John 2:25) And I don't want to talk about any of this, I just want people to believe.]) I mention this 'cause it kinda reflects what I've had to put up with for a long time, and as I've said before, I've been for a long time trying to do what Jesus would do, so naturally I continue to read the Bible.

. . . . . And I remember stuff. I remember dreaming about this guy who, like the guy in the paragraph above, had let me know (inadvertently maybe) he thought ill of me. It was bizarre. I was like waking up in this guy's room, and he was sitting right next to where I was laying and he had headlines on his head too, and they were weird. I remember thinking I was in his house and if I woke up there I'd be the anti-Christ, and if I didn't wake up there I'd be the anti-Christ. That was a 1998 dream, and the guy died of a heart attack in 1997. Wonder what he said about me before he died. And as long as I'm talking about dreams that made me think they interacted with living people, let me put the stone weirdest dream I've ever had like that in here: I was standing somewhere alone with a girl, that was how it started, and I remember how pretty she was and wondering who she was and maybe I had a whip in the dream 'cause I like hit her again and again and she just stood there bleeding. I've never dreamed that before or since, inflicted violence on anyone, and I had no reason to do it then (like twenty years ago 'real' time). Anyway now I can blame it on anybody who reads this huh? Pretty great theory, ya ask me.

. . . . . Where is this going? I'm just trying to pay attention to the journey. The big picture approach, paying attention to detail. For example, I recently stumbled upon Jesus and the fig tree He cursed and wondered if that was the whole story. It was the day after He turned the tables in the temple, and chased money-changers with a whip. Reckon He was an angry man? And the next day He curses a fig tree. (That's at Matthew 21:19; the first of the New Testament occurrences of "fig tree", and the only double occurrence in the whole Bible, out of thirty-two.) Then, in Matthew 21:21( and Mark 11:23-24), He relates (again [see Matthew 17:20 and Luke 17:6) how we can do anything if we just believe. And it makes me wonder again if He ever like put a curse on any of the people who did Him so wrong. "I judge no man, yet if I do, my judgment is true" lends credence to the theory that people back then sure thought He put curses on people. Heard a preacher comment on how fickle the people of Jerusalem were "back then", to usher Jesus into the city as the Messiah on Palm Sunday and then shout to Pilate to crucify Him four days later. Actually, if you think about it, it was a relatively big city and His enemies might not have learned of His arrival until He turned the tables over in the temple (the next day ? ) and His followers for the most part were probably too intimidated to be in the crowd shouting for His crucifixion. Remember how closely and repeatedly Peter was basically accused of being a follower that Wednesday? night?

. . . . . Luke 13:3 and 5 are interestingly rendered exactly alike in the KJV, and both include the stern warning "except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish", like the eighteen guys who were killed by that tower in Shiloam (talk about front-page news) just before Jesus uses a parable of the fig tree to like perfectly illustrate my theory (duhl) about the hand of God being stayed, but look out the way things are going 'cause this tree is due to get chopped down. Because even if people wanted to repent, to turn away from ordinary, worldly mind, I don't think they( people in general) even have enough faith to do that.

. . . . . I ran across something on the 'Net the other day that really struck a chord with me, in fact it's kind of in line with my contemplations of which I've been writing, and I'd like to share it. It is from a tract written by Charles Spurgeon (one of the "Great Christians" according to In Touch Ministries web site) and it reflects some of the agonies I have endured about posting this site. Part of the tract, with emphasis supplied in the original, comprises the following paragraph:

. . . . . "In our very hearts we feel the sincerest affection for our brethren in Christ, who are the salt of Episcopacy and the lights of their dark Church. It is for their sake that many of us have handled too gently a sinful and corrupt corporation. We have feared to offend against the congregation of God's people, and therefore we have kept back our hand from the axe, which we fear it was our duty to have laid to the root of the tree. The earnest ministry and eminent piety of many of our Episcopalian brethren have been a wall of fire around their camp; and many a Dissenting Christian has concealed his detestation of abuses lest he should provoke his brother to anger, or grieve one of the Lord's anointed. Let not the wantonly perverse and cruel Church-fanatic long expect to find water in this well; the day is near when our affection for the good shall prove itself, not by a womanly sparing of the evil, but by a manly declaration of war against error, its adherents, and all who give it fellowship."

. . . . . While that old saw about the Old Testament being the New Testament concealed, and the New Testament being the Old Testament revealed strikes me as a basic truth, I am more and more convinced that it remains only part of the story. My investigation into the fig tree led me to the sixth chapter of Revelation, which ends with "the great day of his wrath", which led me to the fifth chapter, where the Lion of Judah is found worthy to open the seven seals on the book "in the right hand of him that sat on the throne". Which leads us to acknowledge that Jesus revealed the Old Testament, but He hasn't revealed the New Testament 'cause He hasn't been back yet to do that. (In fact, the sixth seal is like right before the day of wrath, huh?)

. . . . . Continued self-examination seems to be called for; "if we would judge ourselves, we would not be judged" Paul wrote. The January 24th edition of Spurgeon's (e-mail) Morning and Evening reads in part: "The more spiritual the exercise, the sooner we tire in it. The choicest fruits are the hardest to rear: the most heavenly graces are the most difficult  to cultivate." "Be ye therefore perfect" Jesus exhorts us, then encourages us by saying "Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world." "Who then can be saved?" is our pitiful reply.

January 30, 1999   **************************

. . . . . I've decided to expand my wind-mill tilting regarding the redistribution of the world's wealth by trying to sell images with the net proceeds going to Save the Children. I'm starting small, with minimum expectations of requests for my work, by selling them for five bucks; if you e-mail me with an order I'll send four of those bucks to Save the Children. Promise. Here's an example of the images I might sell:

. . . . . Anyone is welcome to snag this image (put your cursor over it, right-click, and Save As a file on your system) and make one print of it if you send five bucks to Save the Children at 54 Wilton Road, P.O. Box 921, Westport, CT 96881. If you like the print enough to preserve it, that is.  (2014 note:  note that i write "Psalms 9:18a" instead of "Psalm 9:18a"; not the only time i make that mistake)

March 29, 1999   ******************************

. . . . . I listened to a television preacher yesterday on "Telling the Truth from Elmbrook Church" who focused on Matthew 24. She talked first about the prophecies Jesus fulfilled coming into Jerusalem a king.

. . . . . I listened the whole time (and actually [naturally] read the Bible these days) from the perspective of "What if these things I'm writing and posting on the Internet are the truth?" It's kind of surreal, to think things haven't changed much in spiritual realities, in the way people generally treat each other even, since Jesus walked the earth. I mean, there are people who want to "do the right thing" now, and there certainly were then, but my big fear is that all these people who really believe they're worshiping God actually are merely paying lip service and suffer the same strong delusion that the people of the church did in Jesus' day. And remember He gave the impression that type is gonna be further down the list (as in 'not written in the book') than sinners and barhoppers huh?

. . . . . I still haven't mentioned coming across Machiavelli's writing in The Prince about people without weapons being despised. Made me think about Jesus saying (in Luke 22:36) if you haven't got a sword to sell your clothes to get one. And He had The Power. The power of faith. We know He cursed a fig tree, and John tells us all the books in the world wouldn't be sufficient to tell all He did. I really don't have much doubt that He must have put a curse on some of those hard hearts He ran into, maybe because He realized it would probably be counterproductive to not do so and He was thinking "lest they be converted and I heal them" thoughts.

. . . . . Yeah, that's what I'm wrestling with right now (now being actually May 28th; I've basically finished Chapter 11 but this fit better here i thought) and it's pretty sobering thinking let me tell you. I've gone along so long exhibiting all these fruit of the spirit and even signs and wonders and feel like I'm more and more despised. And I know that's not God's will. Of course, being here in the heart of the beast as far as my low-down reputation goes is a factor. I keep thinking it's God's will if only to keep His will (His outstretched Hand[ see Isaiah 5:25 and 9:12 and 9:17 and 9:21 and 10:4]) at bay from these poor lost ignorant souls who've persecuted me so. I guess time will tell.

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