A Journal: Chapter 14

November 10, 1999 ***************************

. . . . . Picked up An Absence of Light by David Lindsey the other day, maybe because the title is so near to my heart. Skimmed to a passage that might strike close to home to others, so: "He lacked the ability to see the larger picture insofar as it extended beyond his own person. It was a modern failing, this inability to think in terms of anything that did not affect you personally, so, in this, Westrate was a product of his times. His own career was the largest concept in his intellectual inventory, and whatever affected that career was the most important thing in his life. He was a hollow man."

. . . . . (Not something which strikes a chord, that last? How about an excerpt from Hannibal: "Avarice is not unknown in Italy . . . (b)ut his natural acquisitiveness and ambition had been whetted in America, where every influence is felt more quickly, including the death of Jehovah and the incumbency of Mammon." Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts.)

. . . . . Actually even more big picture is what brings me, drags me kicking and screaming really 'cause it takes so long sometimes for me to say so little, hoping all the while that I've said all I need to say, but . . . Next we might look at what we call civilization in general. Most countries, if not all, have written laws that (someone said) are written to protect the rich. I must agree with that. I think it is Columbia that has a saying about the old moneyed (rich) people which translates "the men of always". This particular always is, of course, the status quo. Probably the most constant factor in the status quo is people putting energy into getting part of the available resources. Possibly the most constant factor in rich people's lives is maintaining the status quo so they can keep getting more of what they've got that makes them interested in keeping things the way they are. In a big picture sort of way, of course. And the point I'm trying to make here is that a lot of immoral behavior takes place in the name of free enterprise. There are a ton of people wherever you go who want to give you something in exchange for what they've got with the expectation that what they get out of the exchange will be worth more than what they put into it. In material terms, of course.

. . . . . There are exceptions, to be sure, but few and far between. Skip the next sentence; it ain't worth your time. Kathie Lee talks about the "nightmare" she's been through for the past three-and-a-half years, and how she had always felt Michael Jordan kind of left her "hanging out to dry" in the sweatshop controversy (remember, she got the press to go with her to a sweatshop she was promoting where she gave out envelopes with money [three hundred dollars apiece i think i remember]) but she saw him at a ritzy charity event (she dearly loves charity events; volunteered to sign a shrug she ordered by mail that didn't fit and give it to a Rosie O'Donnell event; Frank told her not to bid and then the devil went and bought a night out at a toy store for their daughter and nineteen of her closest friends) and decided publicly that he's such a great person she's forgiven him. Mighty white of her huh. Speaking from a judgmental perspective, she's just interested in feeling forgiven for her ludicrous lifestyle while others starve and having others like her for what a wonderful person she likes to think herself. Mother Teresa comes to mind. Mahatma Ghandi taught M.L. King the power of peaceful protest, which killed both of them.

. . . . . Really I don't think too many people will argue the fact that our civilization, despite all its technological innovations, remains a jungle where money, like the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:12, is a defense, and the more money, the better the defense. And the reason it is a defense is because there are so many people who don't have anything to eat on a regular basis and whose housing is sub-standard as in cardboard-box-on-a-steam-grate-on-a-real-good-night scale.  How many people live in abject poverty?

. . . . . Heard a small part of a Money Week discussion about stocks and one of the guests said something about stock prices and the moderator said "So it's bad for the company, but the executives like it." General agreement, with laughter from the panel. Ho, ho, ho.

. . . . . Actually heard on the 700 Club (probably half the 'religious' shows on tv can hook me for a while anyway) that Sodom's sin was not a sexual one, but materialism. Yeah, ain't that wild.

November 16, 1999   **************************

. . . . . But I was saying I wanted to do a big picture entry. So like today I went to Super K-Mart for medicine and was looking around while I waited and I had my usual weird public vibe, you know, feeling like I was under the proverbial microscope or (my fav love song) pinned sprawling on a wall, and as usual I ignore it and try to be loving and open like God and I see these Quakers or Shakers they looked like but they were just more people you know. So anyway I like need some help as usual and this girl finally gets sent over to the sports department and I ask her questions and she goes three different times and places to get answers and I'm seeing her two different ways really, one where her left hand is not perfect and the other where it is, and I think "If she just got healed and she asked me what to do I'd say don't talk to me about it and tell anybody you tell about to say nothing to me about it but to tell everyone they know about it and to change it all" and of course it gets me to thinking about Jesus and how me and Him (see how close we are? <sad smile['cause it's the way we all ought to be huh?]>) both did things and didn't want to talk about it in different ways that are the same except for the differences in communications' technologies which are nearly beyond belief.  (2021 note:  i never really looked)

. . . . . But the main thing I think about is how if I was instrumental in healing anybody or anything of anything, then I would find it easy to not be proud of that fact, you know, the fact that I was an instrument of God who struck the right note for a measure or a beat or a measured beat or whatever, but would find it easier to feel grief over the fact that, you know, this orchestra we call mankind is so unsyncopated or out of tune or out of time or whatever, we strut and fret about the stage huh? and never realize (a lot of people anyway) that we really are all stars of different dimensions and magnitudes, just bricks in the wall of reality, and maybe, just maybe, Jesus is the cornerstone of this wall, the conductor of the orchestra, the hero of the story, but He can't deliver a happy ending without the cooperation of the rest of the crew.

. . . . . Took a minor break and realized that I meant to say the two main things I thought about were as outlined above and thinking about Jesus healing the blind man as related in John 9 and how He could do nothing right in the eyes of those who knew__knew that the doctrine being tossed around was utter madness, that the man who taught the doctrine was mad at best, the devil otherwise, the wonders He performed were witchcraft, on and on, (check out the image that used to be on this page; it wouldn't fit in this editor so I moved it to the next page and here ) on and on__and certainly the easiest and perhaps most effective stance to take on the matter of this particular blind man (there were the two, and it must be noted that the John 9 account of the blind man mentions [looks like, maybe it was Saturday for this blind guy too] Him healing on the Sabbath, but not a huge number of particulars regarding blind people being healed and I've addressed on the web site the prospect of most of the blind people being people who didn't realize they were blind but anyway probably what "they" said) would be that Jesus caused the guy to be blind in the first place. Pretty bizarre, huh? Like where did that come from, what could I be thinking, is what any reader might say, and I'd find it easy to agree. For a long time I've been saying 'Don't try to force your mind into not thinking, just don't grab onto any one thought, merely let the thoughts cross your mind and relax and keep an open heart and an open mind'.

. . . . . I don't have much doubt that if I'm on the right track, so to speak, and if word about this has been kept in the closet, so to speak, and if there are people climbing on this here soul train, so to speak, then there is the very real prospect of panic here and there, so to speak. Maybe not just people realizing how wrong they've been and freaking out big-time, but people insisting how I could not be any kind of precious stone or I wouldn't be living out in the open, so to speak, and just not being able to accept how wrong they've been.

. . . . . I remember talking to somebody about ego, and how Tom Wolfe talked about Ken Kesey or one of his merry pranksters "wrapping their head around a telephone pole", and how some people really do get brain-washed in conformity and maybe that traffic accident, that mental break-down was a lucky break, because (I didn't say this but) ordinary mind is very powerful.

. . . . . So what we're looking at if these ifs pan out is a lot of people having mental break-downs. I mean, reality: what a concept. And all it takes is one mental case like knowing that (s)he needs to do me a favor by killing me. ('Not worth killing' is what some probably would like to be on my (not-going-to-happen) epitaph.) Etc. (Did I ever mention the English teacher who said more than one time that "etc." means you haven't got anything else to say?) And yeah, I hope I've said it all, all that I need to say. "Every idle word" gets bigger and bigger. Lao Tsu's "More words count less" too. So anyway I want to mention how I've lived through all of the dark times ('If you face the sun, all the shadows are behind you") and uncovered what might on first inspection strike some as very dark things that I'm trying to pass off as truths, but that if I'm a messenger then the bottom line is 'It could be very good news I'm bringing' but we all need to not panic and set about setting this-here neighborhood some of call Earth in order. Don't ever say nothing to me about me is and will be a continuing request. I have for a real long time liked to help, and for a long time I haven't minded like jumping off the wagon and putting my shoulder to the muddy wheel; I like to be in the middle of it 'cause I think I can contribute period. And if somebody is afraid to get down I've been willing for a long long time to figure that person out for angel. 'Cause the way it's looking is there's a whole lot of angels in the world. (see a scriptural study of angels here) Maybe more than anybody would like to figure and count me in that bunch. I've been through the "must be my dream" phase long before the song came out ya know. And I'm thinking that anybody who might see this on their computer is probably a sentient being, and all those many people who won't be seeing it on any computer for the forseeable future might not be. Which is just to say (again) that we need to get rid of a lot of gray stuff on the lenses of our vision, 'cause nobody knows the time and the interpretations of a lot of stuff and it could be too late for reincarnation (I actually was thinking maybe a lot of people would want to try again, back in September <LOL> and want everybody to spread the word that I'm gonna declare that as unacceptable at this point) etc.

. . . . . One of my pet theories is, as regular readers of my journal know <smile>, that the Holy Ghost is to God like Jesus is to God, that we don't personify Him enough. I ran across the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit (in Mark 3:29) yesterday and have been actually kind of trying to think about this today. Let's put some things in perspective maybe, and use a little logic, remembering that lots of folks don't want to apply logical thinking to their religion. Okay, one thing, we notice Joseph drops out of the picture. Well, for one thing I've mentioned in a Bible note that the scribes and Pharisees (as far as I'm concerned) used Joseph's testimony that he wasn't the father to show that Jesus wasn't descended from David, as the Messiah was prophesied to be. Second, and perhaps the main point I'd like to make, Joseph must have had a visitation from an angel in the dream and (finally) believed Mary about her visitation, but he was kind of freaked about the whole thing (the appearance of the angel maybe, or perhaps the angel had a lisp or wore horn-rimmed glasses or something) and didn't follow instructions about the name huh(?), and finally, with lots of prompting from important people ya know decided the angel was a henchman of the devil and Jesus was just his bastard son.

          This favorite theory of mine has Joseph using the Proverb (29:15b) that goes something like "a child left alone is the shame of his mother" as a mantra while raising the child.  Only the fact that scripture says Jesus was rich but became poor lends some credence to the proposition that Joseph taught Jesus how to make money with carpentry.  i think Jesus disappearing on his folks that time he stayed in the temple was more in line with what i see as a rebellious youth whose father didn't love him. 

. . . . . God will dwell with men, John writes in the verse we're examining. (2021 note:  not sure what verse we are examining here) Well, He's already done that. He visited Adam and changed it all. He came to live with us in the year that starts our calendar and the prophets of the Old Testament prophesied (remember? and yeah, sure I'm paraphrasing) the people would be His people, and He would be their God. So they slew him and hung him on a tree. That's the past. We really have no reason to believe the future will be any different. i think most people agree John called the pope the antiChrist, and I think it was mostly because of the churches stance on the need to be continually forgiven for sins (radical, huh?) and the fact that the church was rich and the people poor. Huh? Well, yeah, and the church even started letting members buy heaven for friends and relatives who died not in state of grace (as far as people [who know so much] were concerned). Yeah, pay x dollars and be forgiven for y sin.

. . . . . The present, of course, as far as I'm concerned, is one in which God could be living among us as a man preparing to judge us. Pretty comforting to think I've been given assurance of heaven and Jesus called church people and well-to-do types a generation of vipers and to day we've got the answers in the form of the New Testament. Well, a quick glance back at the past shows that the Jews had the answers in the form of the Old Testament and they're the guys who ridiculed God and called Him "beside himself" and spit on Him and beat Him and nailed Him to a cross to die the death of a common criminal. And a quick glance at the present shows that nothing has changed in this vineyard except maybe, just maybe, things are coming to a head in the form of things getting worse (in terms of haves & have-nots) and the keepers (that's us folks; 'specially us have types; sorry, but yeah, the truth is hard ["Truthful words are not beautiful," Lao Tsu wrote, "and beautiful words are not truthful."] ) too.

. . . . . "I want you to know how wonderful it is to have the assurance that you're going to see God in all His glory, face to face, and Jesus, and the Holy Ghost" is a close paraphrase to a line of Charlie Stanley's this morning. He spoke of assurance and peace and beautiful stuff. Never mentioned that delimiting beatitude "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Look back on the [wud-be] site for my little study of 'sanctification' and men's doctrine and Jesus' doctrine.) A quick glance at the past shows a Psalm beginning "The transgression of the wicked (is that they) saith within (their) heart, 'There is no fear of God before my eyes'." OT. The NT shows Jesus saying "Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity."

. . . . . Oh, let me give you some of the good news ('cause a blessing and a curse is what this is all about, huh? a horse can be a blessing but it's a big responsibility; Jesus used a lot of parables to tell us we need to take responsibility for His kingdom here on earth): We do indeed have the power to become sons of God. Our heart can overcome our mind if we direct it to do so and watch it carefully because, yeah, it is deceitful above all things. We can be perfect even as Jesus told us to be. But remember, we can't think if we're perfect because we realize in a rush of insight that there's nothing we can do to get to heaven and in that rush we have an out-of-body experience that delivers our spirit beyond the reach of our mind. (No Charlie, we won't know other people in heaven because we won't know ourselves because there is only HisSelf ya know.) Einstein said at the speed of light mass becomes energy and also there is no time. Looks like that's where we're headin', and if we agree to go together then the Day of the Lord will be beautiful beyond words. And I'm not saying I know it all, just that we ain't ready for it (remember all the parables of people watching vineyards and lamp oil and money while waiting on the Master's return?) now.

. . . . . More bad news: There's a lot we can and will never know. ("Those who know are not learned," Lao Tsu wrote. "The learned do not know.") Like who's in charge and what came first and who is second. I mean, the man who can send our soul to hell is who Jesus said to fear, right? And that ain't the devil or the antiChrist, huh? So it would make sense that it's Him or the Holy Ghost or God Himself like in Revelation 21:3. And we figure He ain't gonna like what He sees and we figure it's gonna get hairy. And what if He dislikes what He sees so much that He decides He would rather spend an empty, black eternity in Hell than spend another day on this hell on earth (where the people who profess to believe in Him are the one's most likely to scorn Him if we are to learn anything from the past) or take all this scum to heaven with Him. And what if there just aren't enough believers to save every sentient being who professes to believe in a God who wants us to treat everybody like we want to be treated. (An aside to budy and that bunch: Would you prefer to be taught a lesson that might lead you to something great, or be left in your ignorance?)

. . . . . Anyway, you get the drift. There's a lot we don't know, and it would probably be better for everybody if we never "accuse" anybody of being Jesus (which brings me back to the what came first thing: I think people started it all with the attention is energy thing, but it could have been Jesus (more likely than some devil) but who knows? And what does it matter? Do we need to develop our common language of love for others (as in tend the vineyard) or is our self-interest enough to maintain the status quo (and everybody decide where humanity is heading; actually it might not be an either(heaven)/or(hell) thing for the great mass of sentient beings; it could of course be a start-over thing, but my search for truth hasn't found any more validity here than in the big ending [that could still be happy, even though the movie won't be big box-office given the tendencies of the public])? (took me five minutes to figure out i needed a question mark there; duhl)

. . . . . Preacher tonight had a 'satan' sermon; one point: anyone who doesn't know Jesus is controlled by the devil. Hey, how many ordinary mind encounters does it take for someone to realize if you're conformed to the world (church is a major conformity in my book) you're controlled by ordinary mind. You're deluded by a conformed heart. Another point in sermon: Preacher at Springdale Baptist church said 'many churches are beds of satan worshippers who meet to "bless the flesh, press the flesh," provide for the flesh. Hey preacher, look at yourself and look at your church. (This is the guy who said the pulpit thing i just reported.) And the really interesting thing about this (may you live in interesting times is, again, an ancient Chinese curse) is that there are usually a couple of sermons per Sunday that I catch where the preacher says a whole lot of true things but him and I guess most of his congregation do not understand the truths of the various messages. Ain't that wild.

. . . . . Maybe I'll post this tomorrow. LOL Think I'm gonna leave most of the rest of Chapter 7 for a review. Remember the test that's coming up. (Romans 14:12, e.g.)

Some verses with notes I've already posted:
(Mal 3:5 KJV) And I will come near to you to judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers, and against the adulterers, and against false swearers, and against those that oppress the hireling in his wages, the widow, and the fatherless, and that turn aside the stranger from his right, and fear not me, saith the LORD of hosts.
. . . . . Now I ain't worried about the sorcerer part, and I've never been the boss of anybody, but all the rest of it (and yeah, I guess you could say I've tried to do magical things, which is one definition of a sorcerer, for that matter), I mean I walked by a guy just a couple of weeks ago with bucks in my pocket that I might should have given to him, 'cause he sure did strike me as a stranger. "There is no secret thing, which shall not be made known" or something like that. This world is a mess and I'd like to help straighten it out 'cause like I've been saying, it could be a big ol' fire and it might be a really beautiful rapture and I'm watching and praying. (I loved the Russian preacher from St. Petersburg who told his sister church here in Mississippi to "pray with one hand and work with the other" ['cause I'm sure he'd had a earful of how much we here in Amerika were praying for them there in Russia].)

(Mal 3:15 KJV) And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.
. . . . . I've been reading this for a lot of years (thought it was in Isaiah) and wondering when the proud rich happy people would learn the truth of things, and have the tables turned, just like Jesus and the money-changers. And please remember 'wickedness' translates 'lawlessness' and Jesus said all the law which is based in the Old Testament.

(Mal 4:1 KJV) For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble: and the day that cometh shall burn them up, saith the LORD of hosts, that it shall leave them neither root nor branch.
. . . . . Here's another of those table-turning verses.

(Acts 3:21 KJV) Whom the heaven must receive until the times of restitution of all things, which God hath spoken by the mouth of all his holy prophets since the world began.
. . . . . "The times of restitution of all things" might be upon us; so (according to the first part of the verse) if these are those times, Jesus might be back. (wowowow) That's the only place this word (restitution) appears in the New Testament (and it sure ain't in the Old Testament). That, to me and others, places added significance to it.
. . . . . Notice also, "the times of refreshing" in verse 19. I remember (for some reason I can remember where the car was on the highway even the second time I read Isaiah 28:12 [notice verse 16 too] which is the only place the Hebrew word for refreshing appears in the Bible) alluding to a real weird possibility in my would-be journal last year about this refreshing business. (2021 note:  not sure about the "weird possibility")

(Acts 3:23 KJV) And it shall come to pass, that every soul, which will not hear that prophet, shall be destroyed from among the people.
. . . . . I'm including this verse because verse 21 tells us "all His holy prophets since the world began" have spoken of the restitution of all things, and anybody who says Jesus wasn't wanting the world's wealth to be redistributed is straining at gnats and swallowing camels.

. . . . . Well, I kind of glanced over this again and don't think I did a good job of getting across the only thing I wanted to try and get across these days, i.e., like C.S. Lewis wrote that Jesus did not leave us with the option of Him being anything other than God or the devil ("You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God."), I don't want people to have the option of thinking that I'm a fool or a lunatic. If people believe I'm the anti-Christ, that means they also must believe in Jesus, and that seems to be light-years ahead of where we are now. For that reason I've started praying for people who treat me like a fool or a devil. Yeah, sometimes I read minds, and sometimes I have a living faith that lets things happen. To tell the truth, I have mixed emotions about being here now; on the one hand, I do have an abiding love for the lost sheep and feel like being here kind of precludes the wrath of God descending on this place and these people; on the other hand, I'm thinking that the sheep are angels and the wolves who've been slobbering around me are the dogs of Psalms 22, and the way they're treating me will be recompensed them many times over and I'm happy to stick around so that they might dig their pit deeper. Mixed emotions.

. . . . . Here's the last couple of sentences of Chapter 7: If I've been a channel for God's love in some weird situations, probably anybody can be. Get my drift? I'm just babbling the same stuff over using slightly different words. Maybe I can stop now, with this quote from an e-mail I got recently: Reporter: Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization? Mahatma G: I think it would be a good idea.

Top of Page
To the Journal Contents
To the Table of Contents
To SAFE's Home Page