A Journal: Chapter 1 (continued)

(editing note: I had hoped I was through, but . . .)

January 5, 1997   **************************************

. . . . . What a seemingly endless several days it has been.

. . . . . We had a reading in Isaiah for one of our devotions last week; it was in chapter 41. Anyway, I started reading forward and backward a little, and stumbled (naturally) upon chapter 40. What a gem of inspiration! Maybe I'll get in QuickVerse and put in a chapter note.

. . . . . We're on the Internet now. Rather fascinating.  (2014 note:  one of the first things we did was visit Compuserve's on-line forum; i was appalled, and wrote that because "my wife and i profess to be Christians we can't participate" in that (would-be) discussion.

. . . . . Didn't go to church today, for the second week in a row. Did see the broadcast of last week's sermon (missed the music). Made a mental note to tell Mary of the pastor's starting a fourteen-week study of John. Today he read the last few verses and spoke of John's anonymity, his referring to himself as "the disciple whom the Lord loveth"( coming back to this, it sounds kind of egotistical, doesn't it?) maybe rather than I or me or John. And this was a standard he maintained, I heard, through the Johns and Revelation. Points out the importance of true humility.  (2014 note:  never considered that of course the same John didn't write Revelation [because the styles are so different, even moreso i gather in the Greek])

. . . . . Did quite a bit of encyclopedia-searching today too. Read on Buddhism, Zen, yoga, the Bible, the Apocrypha (I apparently was wrong about Martin Luther being involved[ see Bible note? (2014 note:  i think i was wrong about being wrong)]), nirvana, and Buddha. More than that, actually.

. . . . . Wrote and posted something on HWY61-L (and rec.dylan.news), some bulletin-board-types for Dylan this morning too. Some interesting messages. Some moving ones too.

. . . . . Have been to Jim & Benda's a few times this past week. Dropped in, not totally unannounced new year's eve. They came over here one day. I still worry about Mary Ann being too isolated living here with me.

. . . . .  Trav sounded good when I called him today. Still pretty active. Didn't ask if they went to church.

. . . . . I've mostly been in the eighties and nineties in Psalms lately. Might be my favorite book.

January 6     ********************************

. . . . . Went to the doctor today. Cried on the way there. Wrote on HWY61-L about the "Jesus wept" verse (edit note: don't remember this).

. . . . . Downloaded maybe twenty-one George Will columns from the Post today; read one, on abortion, and had to quit (though in truth I might have needed to stop anyway).

. . . . . Got an e-mail address (2) from Larry XXXXXXXXXX.

. . . . . Mary Ann just said she's sending the new computer back.

. . . . . say lavee (sic!)

January 8    **********************************

. . . . . For the second day in a row the local newspaper had a story I didn't notice in the Washington Post; I didn't say anything to Mary Ann about this, but let stand what I had said earlier about the local paper subscription.  (2014 note:  no clue what i said earlier [and can't believe how maybe banal i was (and probably am)])

. . . . . There was a local article ending in a "feel like a member of the community" message. If there is to be anything inferred by our cancellation , I hope it would be that we do not now, nor have we ever felt like members of this community. (Actually this doesn't begin to impart how appropriate it seems to me that we quit the paper the day this article appeared in it.)

January 12? (Saturday)  *******************************

. . . . . Took the long way to the grocery yesterday. Listened to Dylan on Traveling Wilbury's II. I guess I offended Bruce whoever at the store; he acted rather strange I thought.

. . . . . Time has been kind of strange lately. So what else is new, one might ask.

. . . . . Anyway, I'm still doing my Zen thing with the Bible, opening it and thinking the verse I start on is like the Gospel truth or something.

. . . . . So maybe it was yesterday I opened it to I Corinthians 15:30. Why, indeed. Today, maybe for the second time, I opened it to Romans 4:8; "Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin." Radical. As good as Psalm 32:1. "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered." And verse 2 is like unto it: "Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no guile." Was it Nathaniel who was the Israelite in whom there was no guile? "Behold! an Israelite in whom there is no guile." What a witness. (I guess I have to lay off the exclamation points.)

. . . . . Really fatigued today. Maybe it's the medicine.

January 18  ********************************

. . . . . 11th anniversary today, but I cranked this up because of a CNN discussion group, talking about this Congress having the most conservative Republican group in memory. That made me think (again) of the politics of Christ. I daresay a survey easily would result in a consensus opinion that Jesus was a liberal Democrat; an examination of His policies, however, surely would result in the realization that He was the conservative's conservative while He walked the earth. (i find it difficult to capitalize "earth" even when talking about the planet as opposed to dirt; maybe because i do consider it maya, illusion. interestingly to me Microsoft's Office software didn't have "maya" in Word's dictionary, while Sasketchewan(sp?--i'm on the old computer) was there.) Still spending a good bit of time on our web site, and just beginning to research the links I need to include. Expect the phone will be tied up this evening, necessitating calling Jamie in the morning about us not being able to make church. I'll surely use my new medicine excuse, although truly I want to hear the pastor's message over television tomorrow. The thought of walking out on a sermon is not a pleasant one to me

IN MY USUAL 'FORGIVE' MODE I TURNED ON CHARLES STANLEY TONIGHT AND HE STARTED EARLY AND KEPT ON IN THIS 'WE ARE THE CHOSEN', THE ELECT, THE SAVED, BE HAPPY AND KEEP ON BELIEVING WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN, WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR AND WHAT WE'VE BEEN HAPPY TO TELL YOU........ THIS IS JUST THE KIND OF STUFF THAT PUTS ME SOLID IN MY ATLAS SHRUGGED mode (I've been standardizing these pages [it's early 1999], including the manner of emphasis; mostly I've encountered the odd word or two in caps, and I've been re-doing them, but I'm gonna leave this 'shouting', just for emphasis<sad smile>.)

January 19  ***********************************

. . . . . Organized religion is on my heart/mind again today; just watched our church services (taped last week) on tv; my powers of attention were sadly lacking__I yawned and went to the kitchen to brush my teeth and guess the whole sermon (I really like the music, but the sermon has always been what church is about to me) struck me as pablum, the proverbial milk for babes in the Word. Which (if I didn't miss too much) is better than the doctrine Charley Stanley was dishing out last night in Atlanta. (No idea when he tapes...) We might be well served to remember that to join a church indicates that one has been indoctrinated in the doctrine of the church. This goes back to the mind directing the heart, and what we might call our world attitude. maybe i'll continue this later.

          Anyway, let's take a look at the big picture. Isaiah said the peoples' heart was far from God. No surprise. Jesus said Isaiah was right, and went further; He said

digression: I just read Isaiah 40. What a joy to my heart. Chapter 41 continues in this vein and I was thinking that this is a dichotomy, and who can know the thoughts and ways of the Lord (however that goes in verses chapter 41), and I came to the verse that says when "the poor and needy" call to Him, He will answer. This remnant, these chosen "few" (that might be critical) appear to be the poor and needy. Blessed are the poor, we read, and I wrote in the margin something about this being the poor in spirit perhaps. I'm sure the indoctrinated line would be that this is those who recognize their sinful state, believe in a redeemer who liveth, and repent. That's all there is to it, in most books. Again and again, (i repeat myself) the catch is the repenting part; we must actually turn away from the ordinary mind of the world and become new creatures, either the glorious Zen moment of realization where we are talking a loud shout and release or the (probably most often difficult and prolonged) process of natural labor, wherein we suffer pain and progress and setback, and the labor leads to our rebirth in Christ, if you will. We need to remember that ordinary mind is deceitful above all things (2014 note:  dead wrong about that huh?), and can lead one to believe in delusions in a big way, including false humility (false to the Lord, who searches heart and mind [see 'A(nother) Sunday School Lesson']).

           Anyway, the point of the digression was to look at the big picture involving the chosen. Jesus said He came not to call the righteous to repentance. Churched people love those kind of verses; hallelujah... But He spent His time with the poor and needy; He even said (back to the point)

He didn't want the (mass of) people to hear, or see, or understand, "lest they be converted". Talk about judgmental. The poor and needy apprise over ten percent of the Amerikan population. Think about it. Something like 1.3 BILLION people in the neighborhood today live in abject poverty I read on the Internet yesterday. I'm going to put a JNN commentary on our site, and I'm simply going to put the Jeremiah 5 verse Shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this. Think about it. (wow, was i in a bad mood?)

(I walked away for a while, but I'm back now.)

. . . . . In another vein, I would like to see a revival in this kountry as regards organized religion. We all need encouragement and exhortation; maybe we just don't need them together. Listening to Frank XXXXXXX (at First Baptist XXXXXXXXXX) on television for years after the "Godly" folks in town here drove us from their church was, in retrospect, maybe interesting. He would generally give good sermons until the end, when he would qualify all his remarks by saying how easy it is to be saved and how wonderful it is to be saved. I watched a lot of sermons, and guess I never saw one that I wouldn't have raised my hand and raised issue with him on something if he called for comments. On the other hand, I guess I never heard one of his sermons that I didn't receive the proverbial blessing. That's kind of like Isaiah saying that the Lord told him to comfort ye, comfort ye my people, and also to report that the peoples' heart was far from Him, what I'm talking about. Maybe preachers need to do like all of us do; choose the dark or the light, and preach on it. Let the chips fall where they may. Like I wrote to the HWY61-L on the Internet, maybe, "you must choose one or the other", "you gotta serve somebody, it might be the devil and it might be the Lord, but you gotta seeerrrrrvvve somebody". Bob Dylan. Spokesman for the chosen? Again and again, I think it important that we not glory in ourselves, but rather, glory in the Lord, like Paul exhorts somewhere in the New Testament. All along the watchtower; watch, Jesus said, watch and pray( Mark 13:33 and Luke 21:36). "Those who know are not learned; the learned do not know," Lao Tsu wrote. Don't harden your heart, keep that neck limber; don't be one of the impudent children in Ezekiel Chapter 2. An ode to SAFE__"The way of heaven is to take from those who have too much, and give to those who do not have enough. Man's way is different." Lao Tsu. I think that's all folks. (edit note: I'm basically looking for parentheses & format signs, not editing)

AFTERLUNCH Oh, yeah, this morning Mary got mad at me for picking at the pastor when he talked about people remembering the best things they've done, or the worst things, and feeling good or bad about themselves because of it. I said he was talking about doing and not being. (Probably the biggest doctrinal dispute we have is the 'works/grace' one.) What I was pointing out was the reality of our situation; this is perhaps the good and bad news: we badly need to do some work on the planet (in the neighborhood, if you will), but there isn't that much actual work that needs doing. Excepting internal work, of course. Is anyone on the same page here? We need to do like Lao Tsu said, when he was talking about running the kingdom, fill the bellies and empty hearts of desires. It seems to me the overhaul required just to provide a decent lifestyle for the neighbors will just about decimate, say, the food service industry, specifically fast food and restaurants. Maybe I'm wrong. The pastor said not too long ago that six percent of the population control (I forget exactly) well over fifty percent of the wealth. Maybe we should edit a page from Shakespeare and kill them first (I'm trying to smile). Offer everybody beans and rice after everybody knows that God is God is God and we need to straighten up our way(s) to the straight and narrow...a voice of one crying in the wilderness...John said 'make straight the way of the Lord' or something like it.... and if we do that things should settle down and people can work for sausage, say. Anyway, the good news looks like we might have Jesus coming back in a spirit of love; the bad news is He might be coming back with a rod of fire.

January 20 ***************************************

. . . . . "I can't be good no more, baby 'cause the world's gone wrong," Bob Dylan sings in the title track to one of his albums. It kind of reflects what must seem a notable contradiction in my being. What I intend to put on the pages of our SAFE site is the essence of this contradiction; while I moan and groan about people in general being greedy and unfeeling, I don't do much to change things myself. I told a plumber not too long ago who seemed to indicate that by tithing his income to the church he was fulfilling his moral obligation toward others (the idea surely being that the church is a doer of good works [which, indeed, some of them are to one degree or another]) that my wife and I tithe too, and that when Jesus walked the earth He told all the world who listened that believers of the day tithed, and ignored the weightier matters of judgment, and law, and mercy, and faith....I'm sure the commentaries say this was the priesthood He addressed, since He does say 'scribes and pharisees' in the discourse, but if you picture Him standing on a watering trough in some small town while everybody in the neighborhood crowded around to hear Him, then listen to what He says, hear the thunder in His voice loudly repeating "Woe to you!", I think we might better be able to appreciate the message. When He said "there shall be . . .wrath upon this people" He was prophesying, apparently prophesying these days.

. . . . . But back to the point: I told the plumber that Jesus told the hypocrites of His day that they paid tithe of mint and cummin and luxuries; I also mentioned that most of my life I haven't bought pickles at the grocery store because they are a luxury basically off my list. We also discussed the mystery of tithing, the fact that giving what you think you can't do without seems to provide enough, and more. Still, the point I tried to make was that we aren't doing things the way God intended. The prayer Jesus left us to pray almost started with "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." I know the scholars of our day argue that the anti-Christ will come to establish a world government. They say a lot. Politicians say a lot. Yet what we see is a world with over 1.3 billion people living in abject poverty, while a large percentage of some countries peoples wallow in wealth; and in our kountry we see welfare reform an issue of the day. The New Party, which claims to be a grass-roots political party, has had some successes in local elections out west. I believe the party was involved in the initiatives which placed minimum wage laws of seven dollars an hour on the ballot in maybe five states for the November elections. The movement is aimed at rectifying what is a form of oppression in many instances; I know, because I have lived the minimum-wage life more than I care to admit. What we all need to recognize is that our lifestyle must be sinful in the eyes of God. (Please e-mail me with arguments: joelparker@prodigy.net[not current]. And what am I doing about this? I told a preacher when he came to eat dinner with us one night over ten years ago that I thought dessert surely must be sin in God's eyes (as I cut an apple pie). He might have been a main reason my wife and I eventually left the church. But what am I doing about the world situation? Nothing. "I can't be good no more; not like I did before." Like John Galt (remember the 'who is that man?' of Ayn Rand fame?), I am electing to remove myself from the machinery of the world. I am refusing even to be an example. I am, however, using this medium as a platform to advocate changing it all (like Joe Cocker said). Change it all; change it all. And if change does come, I will say here and now, don't expect me to be looking for loopholes, bad-mouthing people who press for change, trying my best to de-rail the movement, or even not wanting change to occur. Sign me up, right now, to have less that others might have more, that Jesus might say to us collectively on His return, "Get off your knees, children. I've come to take you home."

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