Journal: Part 2
I am not I;
he is not he;
they are not they.. . . . . . . . . A Thomas Gifford epigram
A Journal: Chapter 8
September 24, 1998 ***********************************
. . . . . Back again. I've started making notes on my Bible study again, but don't know when or even if I will get around to posting them here. A conversation today is what moves me to write this (i think...please don't blame me 'cause it won't do no good) and it's a small point but perhaps an interesting one.
. . . . . The conversation turned to Buddhism and when I started to share, the talk took a turn, so I'll just say my say here and now. Actually the talk was of Zen, but since Zen is (again, pardon please, i think) really Zen Buddhism I'll continue with that assumption. Zen Buddhism, of course, is simply what some call "the sudden school" of Buddhism. (2021 note: Wow, when i'm wrong i'm wrong) When one attempts to use Zen in daily life, one simply lets anything (including daily life) happen. It is when you can let the act go that the result is propitious. When using a bow and arrow, throwing a dart, using a wrench on a motorcycle, sweeping a lawn (did anybody read about the Zen Buddhist who achieved [might be the right word] nirvana with one stroke of his rake?), really doing virtually anything, those who wish to put a Zen zpin on it try to not let ego get involved, try (and check the application of that word) to just let it happen in hopes of a bullseye or a repair or even nirvana (which i like to call heaven).
. . . . . In the case of Zen Buddhism, it is perfect enlightenment which is sought, and Zen Buddhists adhere (to the best of their ability i reckon) to the Buddhist's Eightfold Path and the regular struggle, all the while believing that at any moment, no matter how rank a novice one might be, there lurks, beckons would be a better word, the prospect of eternal unity with the Great Being.(That's not what they call It.)
. . . . . But what, you might ask, is the small point I wished to make? Simply that Zen might well be viewed to Buddhism as Protestantism is to Christianity. I almost wrote "Catholicism" then, but I think that would badly dilute the point. And if you think about it, Protestants are Catholics who believe in a "sudden school" of redemption. Adherents of all ilks at least profess to believe that heaven awaits them, but the Catholics (i [duhl...try to] think) believe they need to have confession and absolution on kind of a continual basis. And yeah, I guess it's not such a small point, and one which might well fall into the "doubtful disputations" of Romans 14:1, but c'mon, all I'm trying to address is reality and if so many have got it wrong it's definitely my duty <smile> to post this web page. I've pretty much learned how to avoid the proverbial dispute about what I believe, much like the self-professed "born-again" Christian has learned that his duty doesn't extend very far as regards "outsiders" of many ilks.
. . . . . But that's a digression; Catholics and Protestants try (for the most part i suppose...) to do the right thing, just like Buddhists of all stripe do. However, it's never been easier to (think you have managed to) get a lock on going to heaven than it is now for Protestants of every denomination. Zen Buddhists, I suppose, would not tell anyone their method (let it be!) is easy, and for that matter, they have a fall-back position of Buddhism with it's Eightfold Path including Good Works. Followers of Islam (with the largest group of any religion i think) believe (again i think) that one sure way to gain access to paradise (as good a word as any) is to die fighting for the cause. Protestants, on the other hand, have no fall-back position at all, not even reincarnation, which might be the reason they've (generally, in my somewhat extensive experience) closed their minds (some might say "hardened their hearts") to any doctrine which disagrees with theirs, which falls outside that to which they've been indoctrinated. And this certainly isn't to say that I don't realize the huge percentage of Protestants who kind of pick and choose in their church the particular doctrines to which they (try to) adhere to, (try to) believe in.
. . . . . Still I've gotta say most Protestants have made up their minds (so to speak; kind of reminds me of my investigation of mind leading heart somewhere on this site) that if they simply believe in their hearts (surprising how often that "in your heart" phrase follows the admonition to believe when you're dealing with the church crowd) that Jesus is their salvation then He is. The fact that in Matthew 17:20 and Luke 17:6 Jesus tells us how mind-boggling we would be if we had the faith of a grain is a moot point with most Protestants, most Christians I suppose. And by the way, it is now
September 26 *******************************
. . . . . I want to address this matter of rationalizing a bit. I looked up "grain of mustard seed" in QuickVerse and found a reference in Matthew, in Mark, and in Luke to the parable about how the grain is like the kingdom of heaven and wanted to write about how awesome we would be if we had the faith of a grain of mustard seed, then said to myself (yeah, i'm still doing that crazy talking) most Protestants have been indoctrinated along the lines of how our lives can flourish in material and spiritual blessings, despite the fact that we can do nothing about the way things are. That's what we are told, anyway. (Did i just say how i don't argue with people about such things anymore, seldom bring them up in conversation. Am I my brother's keeper? Does it matter? Good questions.)
. . . . . Let's try to look at the big picture here, since we're just rationalizing anyway: A lot of Bibles have red letters for quotes attributed to Jesus. I like that. I think it's a big picture approach. The fact that different authors gave different wording for some of the same quotes might mean nothing more than the fact that Jesus paraphrased all(?) of his "quotes" from our Old Testament. And yeah, I know I've said that before, and I know I've come down hard on the side of "The Bible is inspired by God but it ain't perfect" side of the big picture (actually I have said for twelve years now maybe that i think the Bible is perfect but there are mistakes in it because we haven't been ready for the Truths that Jesus said we weren't ready for in John 16:12 [and yeah, i'm hip to the fact that Protestant doctrine don't jibe with what i just said {duh}]) so if you ain't figured it out yet, here comes some more doctrine from I can't say where 'cause I don't know:
. . . . .I remember writing that Romans 8 is one of the most important chapters in the Bible. What I should have said is that Romans 8 is one of the most important chapters to Protestants. Anyway, that's where I opened my Bible to yesterday so I'm gonna show you how I can rationalize stuff too (don't i know, but more on this later). One well-known portion of scripture is verses 38-39, which state in part "I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angles, nor principalities, nor powers,...shall be able to separate us from the love of God". The Greek word for "persuaded" (though not always translated this way) appears in the Bible fifty-five times. Four of these occurrences are in Matthew and Luke (Matthew 27:20 and 28:14, Luke 16:31 and 20:6) and although only one of these is in red letters, the other three deal with people being persuaded in different ways about Jesus. So what we come up with is fifty-one uses of the word outside the Gospels, forty-nine of them used by Paul if you give him credit for Hebrews, and either way you play it he wasn't playing with a full deck. So we logically conclude that when we read "we are not in the flesh" in Romans 8:9, we must lend at least equal credence to Romans 7:25 (coincidentally[?] the last verse of that chapter) which states in part "with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin". I rest my case (-; .
. . . . . Actually that means I need to make my case, huh? Like, who am I. Big picture: I have utterly blown my life; I have no credibility with anyone who knows me. I've been a liar, a thief, a cheater, a coward, and to sum it up, even I consider myself a worthless lowlife. So what point am I trying to make? Yeah, the past year has given me plenty of time to consider my place in the scheme of things (if there is such a thing that includes me as having a place it must be chaos [sad smile; I'm a little down you might say: check out Romans 9, which starts out with the "continual heavy heart" routine]) and the bottom line is I (still) hope it's a very small part and I would, like Paul in chapter 9 there, feel accursed if it's a larger part because so many people have gotten it so wrong. And maybe you notice there is that huge element of doubt, 'cause I guess nobody can really know their place until it's revealed by that Great Spirit I mostly call God.
We can think and feel all we want to, and believe me I am base and foolish in the eyes of the world (there are seven occurrences of "base" in I Kings 7) and if I have any part in I Corinthians 1:27-29 ("But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence." And yeah, I know I've already gone over this.) that means I'm wise in God's vision and the preacher who wrote Ecclesiastes had it right when he wrote: "in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."
. . . . . One more quick point (from a slow, dull one): I don't remember exactly how I said it, but I think it was in that Sunday School lesson (here) that I really put down "integrity". I'm sure people who are asked would be quick to say "he's jealous", but the point I was trying to make (if i remember correctly) was that "people of integrity" in my experience are proud people, proud of their integrity even when they present a good show (even in their own minds if you will) of humility. Yeah, their minds make God recoil, and their hearts are decieved and hardened. My old friend Lao Tsu (smile) not only says, in a verse strikingly reminiscent of Paul (who got it right sometimes [smile]), "True wisdom seems foolish", he also says "True straightness seems crooked." (These quotes are from a translation new to me by Stephen Mitchell.)
. . . . . Here is one more quote from that edition which might make someone realize, if this is accepted as a truth, that we (in the form of group [read 'ordinary'] mind) did this and that we can go home again (i think i've covered these topics if questions are raised here):
Just realize where you come from:
this is the essence of wisdom.
October 22 *************************************
. . . . . One more sign (at least) that the last days approach: On NBC Nightly News the other night it was reported that companies have discovered that customer service doesn't pay. Yeah, keeping the customer satisfied (once they have your money) is not considered important enough to justify the costs. The system's bottom line is what people call the bottom line: profit. And we're not talking the old Matthew 16:26 (and Mark 8:36 and Luke 9:25) "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" We're talking the root of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10; you sure couldn't love it if it didn't exist), money.
. . . . . I've been reading a book lately with a cover something like this:
It was written by Tim LaHaye (a Christian author I've read before) and Jerry Jenkins. I'm not reading it just because I feel like people are taking sides about me (I'm being treated by some as the antiChrist believe me), but there was a passage or two I wanted to post on this site since I've at least voted that I'm all in for the Day of Wrath (2021 note: my god! i think i remember writing this) mentioned in this book and people might feel like that shows I'm full of hate or intolerance or such. Here's one of those passages: "Those who pride themselves on tolerance and call [Christians] exclusivists, judgmental, unloving, and shrill are illogical to the point of absurdity....
. . . . . "There are those who ask, why not cooperate? Why not be loving and accepting? Loving we are. Accepting we cannot be.". . . . . True Christians cannot accept the ways of the world because that was Christ's message: Reject the ways of the world and the ordinary mind of the devil. ("Repent [turn away], for the kingdom of heaven is at hand" was John the Baptist's message in Matthew 3:2 and continued by Jesus in Matthew 4:17 and Mark 1:15.) We also were/are instructed to pray the only prayer He gave us, that "(God's) will be done in earth, as it is in heaven". (emphasis mine; also note that a self-evident truth is that no children die of hunger in heaven) And what did the angels proclaim to the shepards in Luke 2:14? "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." (2021 note: i utterly hate the NIV and others saying "good will toward those on whom His favor rests" or a similar effort by the devil to get people to buy into the lie that there are human beings not beloved by God)
God's will obviously is not that we take from one another, but give. And what did Jesus say (after His message began being rejected): "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword." (Matthew 10:34) and "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division:" (Luke 12:51)
. . . . . One thing I'm not sure I've been clear about is the huge change in His messages and its enormous implications, i.e., we can expect either the kingdom of heaven or the day of wrath. It's up to us. I don't doubt this boggles the imagination as much as anything I've said, but since my credulity has been strained to the point that basically I have none anymore, I see no point in pulling my punches. I mean, if you look at the big picture, Jesus was/is just another brick in the wall, albeit a precious cornerstone. Free will has boiled down to choosing the ways of the world or the ways of heaven, and people aren't buying it any more today (from my vantage point) than they did when Jesus showed (in my humble view) the same big picture.
. . . . . Consider one of Paul's big pictures, and don't go to preachers or commentaries, 'cause that's just the doctrine of man, just see what you feel and then believe it. You can only change your heart via your mind [and we know how easy it is to change your mind about things]:
. . . . . Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things. But we are sure that the judgment of God is according to truth against them which commit such things. And thinkest thou this, O man, that judgest them which do such things, and doest the same, that thou shalt escape the judgment of God? Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God; Who will render to every man according to his deeds: To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life: But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: For there is no respect of persons with God. For as many as have sinned without law shall also perish without law: and as many as have sinned in the law shall be judged by the law; (For not the hearers of the law are just before God, but the doers of the law shall be justified.
. . . . . The emphasis is added, and let me mention (again) how the Bible tells us that Jesus really didn't judge individuals ("I judge no man...", He said) but He sure condemned the system. People have said for as long as I can remember, "You can't legislate morality" but that's all legal systems everywhere were designed to do.. . . . . But back to a more personal note: Following the personal religious experience of nearly thirty years ago which I've mentioned on these pages (and it's not like I was a huge sinner, ya know; I was kind of active in the church much of my life, definitely someone who could feel real good about loving a God who loved me as much as I'd been told He did), I've worked on my self, trying (though I've no doubt there are nay-sayers) to be a man after God's own heart. And over the years I believe I've been as good as anyone living at simply loving, everyone and everything and whatever situation I've been in. Still I've maintained such an open mind that I was able, in 1994, to voice to a psychiatrist the worst possibility of my existence, the warning of Jesus in Matthew 6:23b: "If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!" (because God is the judge, not me or your preacher). It's really not something I concern myself with, if only because the love of which I speak is not a self-centered love, as I imagine these web pages indicate. (I would surely have hidden this light under a bushel basket if I were self-serving, huh? [And yeah, I can see that's arguable too.])
. . . . . Anyway, I've started reading through the Bible (again [2014 note: maybe i've read it through seven or eight times, not to brag understand]) and making notes, and one I remember is talking about how I've come back to my home town twice, knowing it really flew in the face of common sense just 'cause folks around here seem to have reached a rather judgmental consensus about me.
At any rate, like anybody who's read this knows, I believe God has His finger on the trigger so to speak ("For all this [the status quo], His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still" maybe is an accurate quote of the sentence that appears five times in Isaiah), and I admit that part of my rationale about coming back was that this is the heart of the beast as far as I go, and I wouldn't mind a bit being the catalyst that helps start something by simple virtue of being persecuted for righteousness. The only re-thinking I've been doing is considering talking about particular people the way they've apparently been talking about me (to say nothing of the way they've been treating me. In all of it, I continue to ask
. . . . . My main fear remains with the mass of mankind (though how angels in the form of humans figure in the equation I have no knowledge, albeit little doubt in their existence), that the light so many perceive is in fact the false light of the demon of ordinary mind (a demon I worked and fasted and prayed to eradicate and [yes, contrary to the doubts evidenced earlier on these pages] only around July of last year accepted as overcome to the glory of God [i was really expecting a notarized statement of salvation within a year; must be the post office holding it up (2014 note: i still have doubts)]), an ordinary group mind that seems to be leading the world to the Day of the Lamb's Wrath, a day which will see many basically good human beings who profess a saving knowledge of God in the depths of hell (as the Bible warns us). And I can tell you (again), it's major league wailing and gnashing of teeth.
. . . . . One more big picture item (or two): Anyone who would argue that God's will is not to feed and shelter everyone needs to search not just the scripture but his/her heart/reins/soul; and "Jesus said (in Matthew 22:37-40) unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." and (in Matthew 5:17-18) "Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled." It appears necessary for all the law (which even includes the incredible seven-year provisions of forgetting debts and restoring property to original owners [including Leviticus 25:8, from one of the books of the law]) to be in effect before heaven and earth can be united (again?).
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