. . . . . Well I looked for about an hour for where I wrote about going to Nashville when my mom dies and going to the state employment office and the guy told me "they'd probably be glad to see you in California" (or something like that; naturally I thought he was talking about earthquake insurance) and how I prayed long and hard not wanting to go back to Hattiesburg but ended up deciding that was what I was supposed to do. I didn't mention what a basket case I know I was.
. . . . . Anyway, like Spanky and Our Gang said (way back when) "garbage stinks, but I get along" and even though I don't, as I recently mentioned, do the psychoactive drugs anymore, I feel like I'm time-trippin' a lot, like I did back when I was doing those drugs that opened so many doors for me (and this is not a recommendation that people do drugs [2022 note: that comes later]; I'm just relating my personal experience and realize that the end result [living on desolation row say] probably will be noted by many as a consequence of said drug use [although I was never a creature of ambition or society]). Parentheses tire me; break time.
. . . . . Oh yeah, I started this because I went to the grocery again. Needed milk & bread and spent nearly thirty-three bucks. Oh well, one of the Banquet entrees was two lbs of lasagna; the other two made it a pretty big gamble <smile>. (N.O. sugar fr is Nature's Own bread, another gamble I haven't tried; went for it because it says it's #1 ingredient is whole wheat flour period [which beats this store's $2+ loaves huh?])
. . . . . Guess tha tha tha tha that's all folks! Well, how about one more oldie for the road? Here ya go (the "dow" stands for "day of wrath"; this note is kind of an obtuse reference to my wonderings about whether I'll be bold enough to stand in the presence of Jesus, that[ as the Book says] "great and terrible" Lord; Nehemiah 5:1 says "I beseech thee, O LORD God of heaven, the great and terrible God, that keepeth covenant and mercy for them that love him and observe his commandments[ emphasis mine])":
Well, I looked at another of my Zen searches in the folder I'm
browsing and it fits real good, so here it is:
. . . . . Oh yeah, I meant to mention that I picked up You Are the World this morning and opened it and read (and no, I'm not making this stuff up; things happen that might serve as at least circumstantial evidence all the time, to me anyway, that maybe i am some kind of spirit of truth [since i'm so close to no-mind]; for many years I've been able to seriously relate to the last line of the Gospels ["And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written. Amen."]), so I read this bit (and naturally thought of Allison [of Allison's "lesson"]):
Question: Does true love require growth?
Krishnamurti: Is there a false love? (Laughter) Sirs, do not laugh__it is so easy to laugh about things that touch one deeply. By laughter we put it away."Oh yeah, the rest of the story: I just added the "mind of Christ" bit after Allison had gone. Her "lesson" was on using WordArt, and when she got to my apartment I had written "unbearable compassion" in the standard font and size on a new WordPerfect page. Allison read the two words (which I snagged from Baba Ram Dass's Be Here Now as I think I've mentioned somewhere here) and instantly understood that there is something special about the pairing and she kind of gently laughed (as one would hope a seventh grader would [2014 note: no, she would have been maybe ten years old and quite precocious]). As I mentioned in the last part of el journal, that was it for my visits from that branch of the (would-be) family.
. . . . . oh well, how bout this Zen search from this month:
This is going on the page because of a couple of sermons I've heard this week. The first was probably taped Wednesday night, which means my first Spurgeon devotion had been posted (here), and interestingly the sermon mentioned the importance of attending church and quoted Spurgeon as saying something like a tree by itself cannot stand or such. Then on Sunday (July 8) the same preacher talked about the same thing, and mentioned Hebrews 10:25 ("Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching"__well, he mentioned the first part of the verse anyway, about assembling together).
. . . . . July 1, I believe, this same church had a staff member give a pretty good sermon about examining yourself and determining if you are listed as "dangerous" on the devil's scouting report. I think the Spurgeon devotion might have touched a nerve. (2022 note: i was thinking Lao Tsu's "great pretence" had actually begun) There are churches apparently saying (see the Zen Bible search above?) "well, we certainly can't agree with him, but calling him evil doesn't strike the right tone given the nature of the web site; we'll have to say he's obviously misguided and plain wrong about some very important issues; on the plus side, we can use him as a goad to get people more involved" which I hate to report is exactly what I was talking about regarding people's attention (see this paragraph from last entry) because the people with the questions about my doctrine( well, yeah, I'm just about calling it God's Doctrine) hear what they want to hear from their church leaders (continue reading for one thing Jesus said about the church leaders of His day) and are likely choosing to be very judgmental about me.
. . . . . I mentioned the addition of the Hebrew's verse because I told my ex-wife that's the only verse in the New Testament where it says you should go to church. This was probably before we moved to Brookhaven, back in Hattiesburg where I think I mentioned somewhere she was glad I'd go start the car after church and pick her up at the entrance because she was afraid the car would be rigged with a bomb. After we moved (for my job) we tried going to church there, where my reputation obviously preceded me and I antagonized the preacher without trying (with my dessert observation somewhere *), who apparently turned us over to a zealot type who was born of a preacher and quite well versed (i.e., indoctrinated) in mans' doctrine who tried to get us to leave that beautiful little church.
. . . . . Quite aware that Lao Tsu warned that "He who boasts achieves nothing. He who brags will not endure." I will report of the two "Bible studies" I (and ex-wife) attended that this guy put on for the folks. The first was at his house and he might have talked for two hours, mostly boring senseless pap that I managed to endure without falling asleep. Then I guess as it was ending he asked me something because I remember giving a very brief account (not a bit out of the context of the discussion) of Hebrews 13:2 ("Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares") and its usefulness to me in maintaining a loving attitude in the face of undeserved affliction and adversity. Well, not to brag, but it was a real hit with some of the people there. And I showed ol' tillman up (without trying) for the jerky blowhard that he was(is?).
. . . . . Apparently it affected him too, because a month later maybe, at a second (and last) "Bible study" at another house, the "leader" of the group was very casual this time as opposed to the formal first affair (shorts and tee-shirt) and he started the "study" off by addressing one of the women and saying "I'm gonna throw you a curve. Why would anybody not want to go to church?" Well, without thinking or trying, letting it happen ya know, I immediately responded "Paul wrote 'I bear witness of your zeal, your desire to know God, but you just don't know God.'" Well, maybe he had prompted her to say something like "well, if people don't want you there maybe", but my inspiration (darkness or light? whadda u think?) blew that "study" for that guy, not only responding (to the curve he aimed at my head when I wasn't even at bat) but using the Word as the sword that it can be.
. . . . . (I have virtually no doubt [no doubt] that preacher actually tried to use his maybe three-year-old daughter as a "witness" against me ["I want you to shake hands with your left hand if you see somebody with an evil eye" and when the congregation walked by to shake her hand for her profession of faith I glanced over my shoulder at dick (behind the line) and caught him gesturing to me with his head and eyebrows and she hesitated and shook hands lefthanded (with only me)]. Anyway, we ended up not going to church there. Jerks.)
. . . . . So anybody who's reading who's interested__those facts factor in to my not now attending the church of my choice on the Sabbath and my possibly never again attending a church service. Period. (I mean, can you imagine the questions I would get? Do you get any kind of glimpse into the judgmental attitudes I've encountered because I wanted only to go to church and pick up a good vibe, hopefully hear some good sermons, and maybe even get into some good discussions in Sunday school? I'm talking no questions, very little Christian love, mostly condescension and judgment [without cause I maintain (2014 note: i think i've been out of my mind all of my life)].)
. . . . . While I'm at it, why would anybody not go to church? Because Jesus told us what happens when the blind lead the blind. (Everybody falls in the ditch [for any babes in the Word as the sayin' goes].) And then there's Isaiah 1:13, the Lord speaking: "Bring no more vain oblations; incense is an abomination unto me; the new moons and sabbaths, the calling of assemblies, I cannot away with; it is iniquity, even the solemn meeting.(emphasis mine)" which I encountered again today in that monster opening chapter of Isaiah.
. . . . . I've maintained from the inception of this web site that churches are a good place to start learning how to be obedient to God. I hope the churches won't make me take a different stance.
July 9, 2001 ************************************
. . . . . Well, I played a game in front of witnesses today, the ol' Zen Bible Game you might say. It was David Byrne and his group jammin' in my music room (aka kitchen/dining-room/breakfast-nook/sauna), doing this musical thing I've heard several times, a real driving rythm, and I went in to get the whole vibe and picked up an almost taunting lyric I'd missed and a "show me the Book" that I interpreted as "open your bible in front of us" and rather than listen to Lao Tsu ("Open your mouth and always be doing and life is beyond hope") or Jesus ("For a sign you will only have Jonas") I went and got my latest (i.e., least usr frndly) Bible and opened it and it slipped to two places so I carried it into the music (on the way the thought reached me that "the wise man chooses the right" [actually Proverbs and the Tao as I recall] so I pointed with my right hand) to like make it easy for the witnesses and shook the Book upside down and flopped it over and pointed with my right hand to the verse in color below. (I took a picture with my finger pointing at the verse it was pointing at when I did it [well, my finger was like dead in the middle of verse 1 so I moved it down], then naturally read that chapter and started reading back and took the image you see below, sans finger.)
. . . . . Okay, this was a whole lot of trouble, but incredibly enough I sense a skeptic.(lol) Maybe, as T.S. Eliot reportedly once said, "humankind cannot bear very much reality" (and believe me I know this talk of avenging angels [well, me leading my forces, it's gotta be angels, right?(rotfl)] is quite disturbing [from the one who created such a stir in '97 just daydreamin' and jotting a note to my self while listening to Al Green sing "Love and Happiness" ya know (but let me add the only way I'll see the mountains around Jerusalem [antiChrist territory I guess] is if [maybe I should say when] members of the Invisible Republic find me after It hits the fan[ if It does]) and remember if things go right then It won't happen (I say; completely lost in digressions [and parentheses] btw) and nobody will need to say one word to me about any of this!!!] and interestingly Isaiah 5 was part of my computerized Bible reading today [i.e., I didn't pick it]). Speaking of reality, I really do wholeheartedly seek a peaceful solution but wonder at this point if it is even a real possibility. I'm saying that a peaceful solution is only possible if we as a people like (what did Joe Cocker say?) aahhhh . . . oh yeah . . . change it all, change it all.
. . . . . Now this is definitely a(nother) ferwhatitsworth thing, but there is a mark in my new Study Bible that (obviously) came from somewhere and I don't remember doing it and don't remember it happening and don't know how it happened (though it did) and I started to mention this about the above image and see you can't really see the mark so I'm adding the first pic I took to the page too. The mark is apparent for several pages back, but not on the next page; i.e., this is the page where the mark like appeared (and yeah, looks like it got wet and maybe shut before it dried, but the mystery might generate interest in the (wud-be) site. Here the image is, just below:
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