A Journal: Chapter 21

. . . . . My Bible reading today included Isaiah 33:14: "The sinners in Zion are afraid; fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?" (My note there says '"Now we call the proud happy..." Malachi 3:15. Also see Luke 12:49 et al for Jesus' "I am come to bring fire on earth".') It reminded me of the rather incredible weather front that moved through the area the day I posted that last bit of (would-be) journal. (The front impressed me enough to take a snap of the radar after the worst was over; the locals advised of 60-70 mph winds and quarter-sized hail, neither of which developed; here's the snap of the second [not-as-impressive; the first was wicked lookin', a bright red] system [the bright yellow by I-59 is where I am/was] that came through that afternoon:)

. . . . . Watched most of a sermon today which focused on anger and bitterness and realized how easily my rantings could be interpreted as those of a bitter, angry person, and wanted to refute this as being not so. I've said several places in el (would-be) journal that I have nothing against that particular (would-be) brother who has so often and so meanly betrayed me and believe it to be the truth. (That I believe God will severely deal with him for his behavior is neither here nor there.) Same with trav. Like maybe ten years ago my older brother was in town and I was visiting my youngest bro' who tells me dad wants to see everybody but me about his estate. No surprise. Disowned at birth you might say. Also i recently said maybe he was just doing what he was supposed to. Everybody fills this bill, me high on the list of course. But as I've grown in my faith I continue to try to do God's will. His real will, not our vain imaginings. And as I've repeatedly said, I've changed my approach to oppression and, yes, even ridicule. I ask God to redress matters like these. Because I don't think it's what people are supposed to do anymore. Especially those who've judged me on shall we say religious issues.

. . . . . But what I was trying to say about the tone of some of my entries is simply that, for example, it was perhaps Joe Roger's ordinary mind reacting to my exhortations that resulted in my quite strident tone here and there in the letter to the editor he obviously read (because he took a vacation shortly afterward). It was perhaps Trent Lott (and supporters) throwing darts with ordinary mind that elicited such judgments from me here.

. . . . . Another example of "respect of persons" at least bordering on worshipping the created was the Martha Stewart appearance on Oprah the other day. Martha can do no wrong. (At least in the eyes of Oprah's audience. And martha's shareholders. And the ameriKan publik. And the list goes on...) She showed how to dry tomatoes, and the audience burst into applause. She bragged about her plans for planting trees come the weekend, and the audience applauded. She demonstrated rhubarb tarts, and the audience applauded. She explained that putting a little water in the bottom of votive candle containers makes it easy to dispose of the leftover wax, and the audience burst into (maybe almost spontaneous) applause. She says "Sounds kind of lavish to have seven houses but i use them for the magazine, for ah idea development..." "The greatest entrepreneur who ever lived," Oprah said, and it all started with baking cookies. (To which martha humbly replied: "Oh, I'm writing my autobiography...that's my publisher sitting over there.")

. . . . . It's pretty easy to explain. She looks sweet, she acts sweet, she comes across pretty good on camera, she's rich, she's law-abiding (well, man's laws anyway [2022 note:  she breaks man's laws as well as God's), she's tax-paying (maybe a little anyway), she's a wonderful role model (for a materialistic society), she's rich, she's motivated (well, maybe ambitious would be a better word), she's disciplined, she's nice to almost everybody as far as I know, she has seven houses and over 20 kitchens, she does magazines, she knows how to fold fitted sheets (and is willing to give an audience member at least a quick shot at following along before she loses her patience), she sells flowers and bed linens by mail ("and K-Mart" she said about the bed-stuff). I mean what's not to love? How can you not respect that? She even got in a "planting trees is very important" statement (the audience applauded). And hey, the show's only half over.

. . . . . And look, if you get the opinion I think martha's an air-head who won't warrant a footnote if a history book ever gets written about this century, well,  I'm afraid it's a little late for that. But wait, we can get all kinds of different colors of sprinkles now (little bits of candy to go on top of cupcakes and stuff), from Marthas-by-Mail. Stop the presses.

. . . . . Really if you want the truth I think Martha does perhaps less harm than the political types who seem to be more interested in the power than the riches. I don't know. Stephen Gaskins said he considers politics to be about "moving furniture around". You know, nothing worthwhile.

. . . . . Oh yeah, there was the sermon I meant to write something down about, a really good point, the guy said that we make idols of everything and anything to which we attach worth. The preacher mentioned children, money, clothes, hobbies, cars and a few other things as I recall. (Okay, I checked and he said if we care about these more than we care about God. Gimme a break. This is the truth of the whole matter, maybe in bold strokes, that I'm trying to deliver.) And that's the counter-point, of course, to the first duties of believers, mostly red letters, "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." Everything else is secondary. Nothing else is worth even talking about.

. . . . . But that's spiritual stuff. It kind of points out my concerns about people thinking they're saints (or something similar; the elect [well, all the elect are saints but not all the saints are among the elect I heard a preacher say the other day], the chosen, you get my drift) when they still spend most of their time on mundane materialistic yeah, carnal, matters. And again let me mention that I'm at least in the same ocean. No, when it comes to dealing with carnal mind as well as spiritual mind, I'm in the same boat. Just to make it clear. I just feel like I've exercised my senses regarding God and the devil to the point that I can kind of discern some stuff. And yeah, it's really radical stuff that I'm afraid is true.

. . . . . Matthew 10:34-38 is a heavy passage relative to these commandments that I'm gonna copy and paste here. It says "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me." (emphasis added) Taking the cross and following is intended, I think, to indicate new priorities in life, spending more and more (and yeah, even more) time seeking to be obedient to the commandments. The spirit. And think about loving God so much that the love of children is on the hate end of the love/hate continuum.

. . . . .  Let me plug in another of Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotions here, and consider these please like my big picture if-you-believe-you'll-work because today's-doctrine-is-man's-not-God's and the-more-you-work-the-more-you'll-believe-the-more-you'll-work because the-truth-puts-the-fear-of-the-living-God-in-you rantings are the truth. (The odd return in the middle of each devotion was like this in the e-mail [2014 note:  reference to the misplaced exclamation point in each devotion which really doesn't show up as it did in the e-mail], an indication that the sender is reading them as I'm asking people to and maybe starting to doubt [read the evening part thinking about fearing God and obeying the two most important commandments] man's doctrine a bit.)

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 "They weave the spider's web."
                                                   --Isaiah 59:5
   See the spider's web, and behold in it a most suggestive  picture of the hypocrite's religion.  It is meant to catch his prey: the spider fattens himself on flies, and the Pharisee has his reward. Foolish persons are easily entrapped by the loud professions of pretenders, and even the more judicious cannot always escape. Philip baptized Simon Magus, whose guileful declaration of faith was so soon exploded by the stern rebuke of Peter. Custom, reputation, praise, advancement, and other flies, are the small game which hypocrites take in their nets. A spider's web is a marvel of skill: look at it and admire the cunning hunter's wiles. Is not a deceiver's religion equally wonderful? How does he make so barefaced a lie appear to be a truth? How can he make his tinsel answer so well the purpose of gold? A spider's web comes all from the creature's own bowels. The bee gathers her wax from flowers, the spider sucks no flowers, and yet she spins out her material to any length. Eve!
n so hypocrites find their trust and hope within themselves; their anchor was forged on their own anvil, and their cable twisted by their own hands. They lay their own foundation, and hew out the pillars of their own house, disdaining to be debtors to the sovereign grace of God. But a spider's web is very frail. It is curiously wrought, but not enduringly manufactured. It is no match for the servant's broom, or the traveller's staff. The hypocrite needs no battery of Armstrongs to blow his hope to pieces, a mere puff of wind will do it. Hypocritical cobwebs will soon come down when the besom of destruction begins its purifying work. Which reminds us of one more thought, viz., that such cobwebs are not to be endured in the Lord's house: He will see to it that they and those who spin them shall be destroyed for ever. O my soul, be thou resting on something better than a spider's web. Be the Lord Jesus thine eternal hiding-place.

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 "All things are possible to him that believeth."
                                                     --Mark 9:23
   Many professed Christians are always doubting and fearing,  and they forlornly think that this is the necessary state of believers. This is a mistake, for "all things are possible to him that believeth"; and it is possible for us to mount into a state in which a doubt or a fear shall be but as a bird of passage flitting across the soul, but never lingering there. When you read of the high and sweet communions enjoyed by favoured saints, you sigh and murmur in the chamber of your heart, "Alas! these are not for me." O climber, if thou hast but faith, thou shalt yet stand upon the sunny pinnacle of the temple, for "all things are possible to him that believeth." You hear of exploits which holy men have done for Jesus; what they have enjoyed of Him; how much they have been like Him; how they have been able to endure great persecutions for His sake; and you say, "Ah! as for me, I am but a worm; I can never attain to this." But there is nothing which one saint was, that you ma!
y not be. There is no elevation of grace, no attainment of spirituality, no clearness of assurance, no post of duty, which is not open to you if you have but the power to believe. Lay aside your sackcloth and ashes, and rise to the dignity of your true position; you are little in Israel because you will be so, not because there is any necessity for it. It is not meet that thou shouldst grovel in the dust, O child of a King. Ascend! The golden throne of assurance is waiting for you! The crown of communion with Jesus is ready to bedeck your brow. Wrap yourself in scarlet and fine linen, and fare sumptuously every day; for if thou believest, thou mayst eat the fat of kidneys of wheat; thy land shall flow with milk and honey, and thy soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness. Gather golden sheaves of grace, for they await thee in the fields of faith. "All things are possible to him that believeth."
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. . . . . This reminds me for some reason of my thinking I wrote something about detecting the ring of truth when a tv preacher said that when we want to learn about a subject, we should see what the Bible says about it. And the purest sound the ring contains is that we should do that. The most important thing about this endeavor is that we listen to the living Word and not what other people have to say about it. 

. . . . . The writer of Hebrews said something about "those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil" and he might well and truly have said (I believe) that we can come to discern both truth and lies. Timothy went so far as to say "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." Most importantly (I remember in '81 a guy telling me he only read "the red words") Jesus said "Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel" to the church leaders and He didn't need to say that the church members blindly follow/followed the leaders and love/loved to have it so.( from Jeremiah 5:31 ya know)

. . . . . Straining at gnats and swallowing camels was (and is) of course, a reference to organized religion's tendency to "(teach) for doctrines the commandments of men." ("In vain they do worship me," He said, because of this tendency.) The church leaders know what every verse means you know. And hey, they're clever enough to not claim this, but don't kid yourself, that's what seminaries (and their equivalents) are all about: teaching doctrine, going over every verse in every chapter in every book, indoctrinating people into--guess what?--man's doctrine.

. . . . . Bad news...when the Bible says the devil is power of the air( see here) it means he's the power behind the status quo. Like Krishnamurti says( here), it's not easy to have a free (i.e., non-conformed) mind but it is necessary if we are to truly love.

. . . . . Anyway, my (would-be) studies of angels, and the poor, and judgment day, all center around what the Bible says about them. For years I've been making computer notes and in some of those notes have tried to kind of index (I should have used Quickverse's index capabilities) related verses on these (and other) subjects. The notes are just to help people understand what the verses mean (<smile>; that's what the church authorities do too huh?). But really, big picture, don't just look at these verses as gnats (or a camel) to be strained through any filters you grew up with, any conditioning of the mind, or indoctrination, or conformity. (Now we see through a glass darkly, Paul said.) Don't pick out one or three verses and invest them with more importance than might be due. (Camels.) Try to keep the big picture in focus. More likely, like me, try to get the big picture in focus. Then you will see things as they are, eternal (as I think Blake said).

. . . . . And when the Bible keeps saying the same thing over and over and over, in plain language, then maybe it's okay to believe it.

. . . . . Arnold Murray of Shepard's Chapel in Gravette, Arkansas, has been reading through John and as he reads, explaining what (he thinks) it means. Today he hit 16:13 ("Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.") and said, right after he read "the Spirit of truth", that "this is about the Comforter, the Holy Spirit".

. . . . . Well, after he read the rest of that verse he stopped and talked about how we grow and we should read the Bible and pray about what we read and how he, every time he teaches a book learns something and incorporates it in his teaching but never mentions that. I think he went into this little spiel because while he was reading the verse I was asking him to explain the second part of the verse, "he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak" and he did consider it and realized it didn't make sense in his exegesis (which is a lot from tradition I say rather than by God's Spirit). I mean, that's not how the Holy Ghost functions, this is written like "the Spirit of truth" is somebody. Period. As I've been saying (and always adding, I guess, how crazy the very thought is).

. . . . . Arnold also said (and I immediately wrote it down), "Your name and your reputation is all you have here on earth." Now I know he believes that we build up treasures in heaven because he just mentioned judgment day in Revelation how people will be clothed in their works and "lots of people won't be wearing much" or something like that. But I mention it not just because name and rep have such mythic proportions in our collective consciousness but also because I heard a preacher the other day say that men are into honor and women are into security. Both are hugely ordinary mind in origin. And if you think about it, you don't see people who are into ordinary mind laying their body like on the ground for people to walk over. That is spiritually minded.

. . . . . This is all so close to my denigrating "integrity and success" back around here that I want to mention something else I came across, and wrote down. (Maybe I'll post an image or two of these "notes" of mine; sometimes I even use 'em.) This one says 'Psa 101:5 "a proud heart I will not suffer."

. . . . . There's a lot of it going around I think no one will dispute. Seeking out honor and security I mean. Men and women interested in both. The honor thing is possibly more about motivation than anything. People who have the right motivation probably don't try to be honorable and honestly probably don't care if they're honorable or not. Security is selfish. The thing in that first (would-be) Sunday school lesson was about that very great majority (I think) of people who have achieved a good reputation in the world who are so caught up in that aspect of their being that the image, how the world perceives them, is important to them. And lots of people who are "well thought of", by themselves and others (where's the "woe unto you when all men think well of you" verse?), are (I fear) those of actually proud hearts who God won't allow into the kingdom, proud hearts deluded into feeling humble when appropriate who will be told by Jesus "I know ye not"( and ain't that interesting . . . He knows everybody; these are people who don't know Him).

. . . . . And most of these people, remember, many of them anyway ('cause I think there's lots of 'em, just because of the science behind the bell curve), try to be humble and self-effacing about . . . what is it? . . . the image they have of themselves that they try to project to others which often is reflected back so much that it's what everybody sees . . . except perhaps, let's emphasize perhaps God Himself who I hope people are coming to understand is the one who sees through the id and the ego and the superego and the subconscious and whatever there is on this material plane that divides us into separate entities like, only God sees us as we really are.  Remember "the heart is deceitful above all things" from Jeremiah 17:9 and "accept disgrace willingly" from Lao Tsu.

. . . . . At least that's what the Bible tells me. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Just for starters. (Then there's the next verse, Jeremiah 17:10, which says "I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.") We have no reason to believe that what we think or feel about ourselves is anything like the truth of the matter. Consider Jesus' really scary (to me) warning about being careful that the light that's in us isn't darkness (Luke 11:35 is a good example), a warning to people who think/hope/feel/(try to)believe that they are being obedient to God's will let's say.

. . . . . Just heard Charles Capps preachin' on the book of James. He quoted "a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways", a verse I've used several times on this site. This made me think of what some might call my double-mindedness regarding what we might call my spiritual reality. Being merely hopeful that the light that is in me is not darkness I might say. Which is in a way being of two minds regarding the matter. But that's not the right way to look at it. Consider that regardless of the reality, I am fearing God and trying to be obedient to His commandments. His laws. His will, if you will. Nothing double-minded about it at all.

. . . . . Capps also talked (this was a sermon focusing on the tongue) about Jesus saying not to take thought for the morrow. Capps maintained this meant take no anxious thought for the morrow. (This is where the double-minded, doubtful stuff came in; he said we'll have the thoughts but shouldn't speak them because that'll give life to the negative. I could be in real trouble huh?) "You have to choose the thoughts you're gonna take," Charles said. Well, that's exactly right anyway. But Jesus simply is not reported as saying take no anxious thought for tomorrow; He's reported as saying take no thought for tomorrow period.

. . . . . And why not? He told us: "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Most of the evil is because of people schemin' to make their tomorrows better. Martha Stewart's motivation or ambition is mostly based, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say 'most likely' she ain't an angel, mostly her workaholicism is all about her selfish greed simply put. Which just points out again the extreme difficulty of even trying to adhere to the doctrine Jesus left us, not the many and huge rationalizations of Paul, and certainly not the doctrine disseminated by various churches these days.Ca

. . . . . I guess I haven't mentioned, but all of my investigating into reality, years and years ya know, it was like preparation I guess, because I really didn't come to many conclusions, didn't make up my mind about much at all. Just started with there is a God and He Is and went from there. Started over I might should say, in '69.

. . . . . Just heard someone say "Pray without ceasing" literally translates "pray from rest" (or something like that; can't get that at all out of my Strong's), with the point maybe being that saved people don't need to pray (definitely not what was said, but it might have been implied; actually it is the claim of [what-would-be] Christian tradition).

. . . . . Listened to a lot of charle stanley this morning. (He comes on twice every Sunday morning on two different channels when not much else is going on. [And he kind of skirts around the truth pretty regular (which beats a lot of what's on tv).]) Today he talked about knowing God. Right. (Well, my main mission in life for over thirty years except when I was teaching school. [And when I was busy laying my body in the street for people to walk over me.]) He started by talking about knowing other people. Right. We just don't even know ourselves, so how can we hope to know others? ("The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"[ Jeremiah 17:9] How i repeat myself.)

. . . . . But charles didn't stop there, he said God has to be open to us (and us open to Him) for us to know Him. No, no, no. How often would God have taken us under His wing like a mother hen if we would just let Him? He's always open to everybody. I don't know what charle was thinking about. Anyway, he talked a lot about how we have to be open for anybody to know us and the whole (would-be) sermon was just a shambles. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Just found a scary verse on knowing God; check out the new addition in el [would-be] study of the poor. [2022 note: no idea about "the new addition")

. . . . . "Living In America" on Headline News recently reported that new census figures showed (I must not have gotten this right) the average family took home $11,000 more than it did in 1990. Can you believe that? Also twenty percent (I think) of the families had three or more cars and, believe it or not, twenty percent (I know I heard this right) of ameriKan families own homes of 3,000 square feet or more. That's one I can really relate to. Let's add to the mix the fact I heard a week or two ago, that thirteen percent of all ameriKans live below the poverty level (admittedly this level is the lap of luxury to over one billion [1,000,000,000] people), and we have a situation that I want you to imagine what a spirit of love, a Spirit that constantly loves and welcomes everyone who comes to . . . It . . . imagine what that Spirit thinks of the mess we've made of the vineyard, the orchard, the garden, whatever. (Matthew, Mark, and Luke all have the account of the vineyard owner who left and sent sevants [the prophets] and his son [Jesus] back; the prophets were abused and killed, as was his son.  And what did Jesus say would happen to the keepers of the vineyard?  They will die "a wretched death.")

. . . . . Well, tropical storm Barry was kind of an education for me. (Did you miss the test I outlined in chapter 18?) There was a point I was thinking God only wanted me to see how many people are against me. (Of course, I still wonder.) Here's a little time line, without dates (which I forget)(2022 note:  i was really tempted to cut all this hurricane stuff):

. . . . . What does this mean? Maybe nothing. Maybe these are obtuse references to the hurricane I mentioned last year downgrading to a tropical storm before it came ashore (see here); I mean, as I recall, it was close to shore before it was downgraded so hurricane-force winds would have reached shore, so I can't say no hurricanes came ashore. Follow this? Small-minded people quite happy to use a technicality to disqualify me. Well, disqualify us. You know, the old letter-of-the-law as opposed to spirit-of-the-law. Actually I recall well thinking that the minimal hurricane would not violate the spirit of my endeavor. knowwhatimean?

. . . . . Here, if you didn't catch it further back up the page (or if you followed the link and didn't read far enough down in that [would-be] Sunday school lesson), is my take on "mercy, not sacrifice".

. . . . . It's August 18 (I've been so disorganized using dates I quit doing it) now, and tropical storm Chantal (infared above) is cruising south of Jamaica I think. There have been several times since this storm was declared that I've had a sense that there are people who really would like a hurricane to strike the usofa. Ain't that wild? People desperately not wanting me to be like some kind of precious person (one of "the elect" you might say) to God because their status quo will be dirt. I guess it ain't so wild after all.

. . . . . Well, I added some stuff to my Food Watch; maybe that will (regrettably) evolve into something a bit more. I guess if you've been reading much on this site you know I'm not much into horoscopes and stuff, but last Sunday I checked my horoscope for the first time in months maybe. The results were intriguing, though as I was manipulating the images I was listening to a live set from a band I've liked for decades and though the volume was low I think I should tell you the results could have been shall we say foreordained:


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